Ghost's Thoughts
by IconofSelfIndulgence
Summary: Degrassi TGN ficlet about Craig set during What It Feels Like To Be A Ghost Part 2. Some hints of Crellie. Rated T to be safe.


A/N: Changed my name and have a new fandom. Please enjoy this fic below. It concerns Craig's thoughts after he gets the nosebleed at the Taking Back Sunday concert. Craig Manning is not mine, nor are any of the other characters mentioned in this fic. If I owned Degrassi, would I be here right now? No. So, now enjoy! Hints of Crellie.

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Craig stared out into the crowd. He felt so jumpy–but it was the good kind of jumpy, the one from nerves. He was certain that this wasn't stage fright. The cocaine was supposed to take care of that. He didn't feel like he was going to throw up or just choke up on his words. His fingers strummed his guitar so softly, like he had caressed Ellie's face as he kissed her. His eyes darted around the dimly lit room before he sang into the microphone. He didn't feel the blood dripping down his nose. He had thought it was sweat; he didn't pay it much mind. Nothing mattered right now. All that mattered was this performance. This music. That was all he had now. He continued to sing, eyes half closed, until he tasted something metallic–something familiar. His singing was cut off as his hand reached for his nose. When he pulled it back, his eyes widened.

Blood–oh god. It was blood. Had he–no. He didn't snort too much. He couldn't have. It had only been a little extra after he hurt Ellie. He hadn't–

Everyone was staring as he continued to rub his nose in disbelief. The blood was smeared over his face. Craig was near tears as everyone stared agape at him. Ellie had a hand over her mouth. Taking Back Sunday was mortified they let someone like him on stage. But–they didn't know. Did they?

He only did it because it made him feel good. The bloody noses had come and gone, but right now–at this moment, he had to have one? But he hadn't done that much! Just–just …

He was off the stage so fast like a cheetah running after his prey. No one decided to follow him; they were all too taken aback at what happened. Craig ran his fingers through his hair in the dressing room, just pacing, letting the blood still drip down his nose. Tears filled his eyes. The cocaine was supposed to make the nerves go away and make him feel good. He sniffed, rubbing his nose. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't supposed to happen! His hands were coated in blood.

Craig cringed as the door opened. He didn't look back to see her; he knew it was her. She didn't want to see him like this. She would tell him he needed to get better. She would be just like Ashley–she wouldn't care about his feelings. She would want him to get off the drugs; she would want to take away the only thing that made the pain go away. She would want him to get back onto his medication so he wouldn't have those bursts of emotion. He didn't want to. He didn't want to go back to being that kid. He finally felt whole–these drugs, they had told him that they would–

"Craig, you need help." She whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks. Craig turned, dazed, looking at her and her beautiful red her. The way her make up smeared–the way those tears dripped down that perfect face. She was the one he really had wanted all along. She was the one who understood him more than any other. Maybe he should listen to her. He was standing there like a fool with glassy eyes and blood drenched hands. There was no "maybe" about it; he needed to listen to her. She would only accept him now if he did.

"Ellie …" Craig finally spoke after a long silence, dropping to his knees as he did. Ellie sobbed out, falling next to him and hugging him close. "What am I doing?" It was a soft whisper muttered into her ear as he began to shake and sob, and she didn't know how to tell him it would be all right because she didn't know if it would be.

"You'll get better," Ellie choked out, cradling his head. She loved him all along–he knew that now. He had known that as soon as he kissed her. Maybe he had known before today, when he was still with Manny. Maybe he had realized it before he left for Vancouver. But, now he knew it; it was right there before him. And, he would do anything in the world to know that he loved her back.

_Anything_.

Like give up his illegal version of vicodin. His illegal version of a emotional pain killer. The one thing that made him forget about his fucked up life. The one thing that made him forget the beatings he received when he was younger, the uncontrollable effects of not taking his medication, the secrets of what he truly felt about himself and everyone around him. He would give it up, show her he could come clean, and then come back to her.

As he stood there in the airport at a loss for words after she rejected him, he wondered if he would come back, if he would see that girl ever again … if she would ever want to see him again. Snake stood behind him with a disapproving look on his face, and Craig cringed again, the effects of withdrawal already taking him over as he slowly looked back to the older man.

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A/N: First Degrassi fic is complete. :] Hope you liked it. Now click the bottom below and review.


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